This morning, I woke up with a huge headache, the kind that makes it hard to stand up and turn on the light. However, I rolled out of bed and turned on the light anyway because I didn’t want Sam to be late for work. Every morning I wake Sam up at 6:30 and get him ready for the day. Sam is not a morning person, and if it was up to him, I think some days he might go to work in his pajamas or just not go to work at all. (Just kidding, Sam has very good work ethic.) I mostly like to get him ready for the day because it allows me a half hour every morning to just be with him before the day gets crazy and he has to drive off for 12 hours. I like putting my hand on his sleepy face and whispering in his ear that it’s time to wake up. I like helping him button his shirts while his eyes are still half shut. I just think it’s cute and I don’t like wasting time with Sam. This morning, though, he saw me grimacing as I laid out his clothes and sent me straight back to bed.
After he left, I had to send my friend Jessica a message explaining why I had to turn down this amazing internship she offered me in Dallas. I truly felt terrible rejecting the internship, but it was too far away and life is just too rocky for us right now for me to be driving that far for an unpaid internship. I need something a little closer to home base to keep an eye on things.
Without going into too much detail, Sam is having a rough first year of teaching (I know, I know… what first year of teaching isn’t rough?). We’re currently facing some big decisions that will affect us and our future family for many years to come. Sam even mentioned that he’d rather me not work right now and take care of things at home because we have so many things to work out. I’m glad to take care of our family and it’s my number one priority.
However, I haven’t stopped casting lines to see if I can get any bites. I had a big bite today while I was in Wal-Mart grocery shopping. A man from ITT Technical Institute in DeSoto, TX called because I applied last week for a position as a library assistant. He seemed very interested in my resume. When he described the job, it seemed like everything I wanted: helping students, conducting research, organizing books… It sounded great, until he mentioned the hours. 12-9, Monday through Friday.
If I wasn’t married, I would’ve jumped on it in a heartbeat, but I made a commitment when I married Sam to no longer think selfishly. I have to include him in all my thoughts. We’re “one flesh,” after all. So, I told him, no, I couldn’t work evening hours because I wanted to spend time with my husband, and he said he understood and promised to keep my resume on file in case any daytime positions became available.
So, I’ve had a frustrating day. I keep running into dead ends: either flat-out rejections or opportunities that I have to turn down because they’re not right for us right now. Some of you might be thinking, “You shouldn’t take a backseat to your husband,” or, “You should work whatever job you want to work.” Those are valid concerns, but that’s just not how our relationship works. We’re a team, and there’s no room for “me” thinking. Sam goes to his job every day and works hard to make money for us, and I would do the same thing if I had a job right now.
This whole experience has been a lesson in humility. I used to be a straight-A student with a great job… Take that away, and who am I? That’s the question I’ve been coping with, and I’ve found some interesting answers. I’m a creative person. I like taking care of our house and cooking dinners. I like reading and writing. I like playing with Rigby and learning new things. Those things will be true no matter where I work or how many degrees I earn. I can’t put my self-worth in money, because money is fleeting and will one day be spent. I choose to put my self-worth in love and let everything else fall into place.
No job for now. I’m still looking, but I’m not in a hurry or panicked anymore. We’re going to be okay. God has provided us with so many blessings, and he’ll provide the right job when the time is right. In the meantime, I’ve had time to get to know myself and that’s a wonderful thing.
Here’s a peek at our “Blessings Board” and a few of the people we’ve gotten to see since we moved.
Those pictures don’t even cover the visits we’ve had from our friends Ben and Camille or from Sam’s brother, Scott, his wife Chrissy, and their kids Johnathon, David, and Lizzy. I’ve never been an aunt before and I love seeing my niece and nephews! I love Scott and Chrissy and they are definitely role models for Sam and I. It’s also always wonderful to get visits from Ben and Camille because they love to hang out and have fun with us.
Good news: my headache is feeling better. There are plenty of other upsides to life, and most of them involve the people I love most. I guess that’s the most important lesson I can learn: happiness in life doesn’t come from money or success, but from the people you share it with.