It’s been over five months now since I last brought home a paycheck. My days are long and quiet, and slightly lonely. Sometimes, I sit quietly with a glass of ice water and gaze out our apartment window at the factory across the street. All day and all night, trucks drive back and forth loading and unloading supplies and goods. It reminds me of an airport, the way the semi-trucks pull up to the loading docks and idle for a while before speeding off towards the interstate. The hundreds of employees in that factory work around the clock to make sure everything runs smoothly.
It’s surprising to me how my perspective has changed, how isolated I feel not being in the “workforce.” When I go to the grocery store, I notice the cashiers, what they’re wearing, what they’re doing. At the bank, I study the teller’s nametag. I watch our apartment manager ride around on a golf cart handling resident concerns. It makes me feel cut off from society, not working or going to school.
That’s why I was so hopeful today when I woke up. Remember that crazy interview I had a couple of weeks ago? I had lost hope in the prospect until yesterday, when I received a call from their office. They wanted me to come in for a second interview! I was so excited and nervous because I was really interested in the job. It was everything I wanted: friendly boss, good pay, reasonable hours, and it would look great on a resume. The interview was today at 12:30. I was worried it would be another group interview, but this one was just me, the doctor, and his assistant. The interview went very smoothly. They laughed at all my jokes and I didn’t fidget too much. I was honest, cheerful, and friendly. I told them about my optimistic outlook on life and all the ways I would contribute to the success of their business. They kept saying things like, “That’s great,” and “That’s just what we’re looking for,” and “That’s definitely a plus.” I left the office on Cloud 9. I felt like we were already friends and that I had really done great.
But on the car ride home, I started reviewing the interview in my head and thought of what I could’ve done differently. They asked me about my math skills, something I’m not very comfortable with. Maybe I should’ve studied more about what a chiropractor’s work truly involves. I had mixed feelings by the time I got home.
They said they would call me that afternoon with an answer, so I waited anxiously with my phone for the next several hours. By the time I saw their number on my phone’s screen, my confidence came rushing back. “This is it,” I thought. “All this waiting and searching, it’s finally over.”
You know that feeling when you lean too far back in your chair and start to fall? That’s how the phone call ended. “We’re going to offer the job to someone else, but you were definitely one of our top choices and we’ll keep your application on file.” Splat.
[Just a side note: Never judge someone walking around Target crying. Maybe she just got some bad news on the phone while shopping. Chances are, she’s not crazy so try not to look at her like she is. Moving along…]
I was so sure that job was mine! I even had a celebratory blog post all planned out. It’s disappointing to hit another dead end, especially after getting so close to the top. Now, I’m back to square one scouring the classifieds and Craigslist and other job postings. It’s easy to get discouraged, and I was for a while today, but I’m feeling a little better now. I know God knows where I need to be, and no amount of tantrum-throwing from me is going to change His mind. Maybe I need to be home for now. Maybe the right job is waiting for me in a few weeks. I don’t know where life will take me, but I have a roof over my head and a husband who loves me, and that’s enough for now.
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”